Expectations

I don't usually do these philosophical blog posts, but I've had this word floating around in my head all day today... expectations.

With all of the transitions we've been going through these past months, expectations have been weighing heavily on me. I do realize that most of these expectations are self-imposed, but I feel them coming from every direction.

Should we homeschool or not homeschool our children and if we do choose to homeschool, what should that look like? Should we do something very structured, similar to a public classroom setting or should we "unschool" our children? I feel like I need to try to be like so and so, doing school a certain way, but then will I disappoint such and such if I choose to do it that way... I know in my head that nobody else thinks that way about me and as a family we need to ask God to show us what school should look like for us and each family is unique, so why do I feel such pressure to do things a certain way?

Being new in this community of Entebbe, where should we go to church? what should we become involved in? what friendships should we seek out? what should our relationships with the nationals look like? I find myself watching those around us and already thinking, "I should be like her" or "We should try to do things they way he does them."

I know we have only been in our house for a week and there is so much to be done to settle in, but as I see things piling up on every flat surface, I told Leo that I'd hoped things would be different here and I'd be more organized! I want my house to be neat and clean, cozy and inviting, kid-friendly and comfortable for visitors... and I should be able to do it all and still have energy to play with my children, prepare three meals a day, have my daily quiet time and exercise... is that too much to expect?! It might be, but it is an expectation I have for myself.

In the clamor of all these loud expectations, I often have to strain to hear that still small voice, telling me who I really am and Whose opinion I should care most about. And His opinion of me never changes, regardless of how we do school, what my house looks like, how well-behaved (or not!) my children are, what I make for dinner, who my friends are or anything else. He loves me and wants me to love Him. That is one expectation I plan to embrace.